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Testing posting after switching from FTP to Custom Domain

Five-year-old, youngest mother on record

The youngest mother on record was a five-year-old Peruvian girl.

Hello my name is Cognac can Chanel come out and play?

US babies get global brand names

Rules of life

There are many rules of life. I include two here for your consideration:

1. You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape, If it doesn't move and
should, use the WD-40; If it shouldn't move and does, use the Duct Tape.

2. Never pass-up an opportunity to go potty.

How kids change your life

10 Things every new parent needs to know [via Being Daddy]

Stealth Disco

Check it out

Insults and jokes

Insultmonger

Samples:

I once made love for an hour and five minutes. It was on the day you push the clocks ahead.
- Garry Shandling

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
- Lewis Grizzard

My wife and I were happy for twenty years - then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
- Robin Williams

Sex drive: a physical craving that begins in adolescence and ends at marriage.
- Robert Byrne

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffer-ring.
- Emo Phillips

My wife has a slight speech impediment. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jack Durante

Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.
- Marion Pearson

Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code...he turned himself in.
- Rita Rudner

There are three stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus; he doesn't believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.
- Bob Philips

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner

Play with your kids, yourself!

"Talked to a 20-something guy today who told me he has a great side business going: he "tutors" little kids--kids as young as two--in sports. Upper middle class parents virtually throw money at him, and he plays sports with their kids on weekends. These are not single moms concerned that their boys will somehow lack for male role-models (I asked). These are families with healthy moms and dads.

He theorized that they are guilty parents who work too much, paying him to make up for what they are unable to do for their kids. I would agree with him, except I would replace his words "are unable" with the words "choose not."

Memo to these dads: put down the damn wallet and go play with your kids!"

From Full Time Father Blog

Wanting to be popular

Reading, Writing and Body Waxing

I don't hate you passengers 24c, 25d, 23d, 24e

passenger 24c, i don't hate you because you are fat, i hate you because the friction and heat between our thighs is causing our sweat to co-mingle in a way only lovers should experience.

passenger 25d, i don't hate you for your extraordinarily clean teeth. i hate you for thinking an airplane is a good place to bust out your dental floss and free the rotting flesh of the big mac meal from between your teeth.

passenger 23d, i don't hate you for the 27 second gaps in your breathing caused by a wicked case of sleep apnea. i hate you for making me fear you may die on this plane and possibly delay my arrival in dallas.

passenger 24c, i don't hate you for being randomly placed beside me. i hate you for not being the woman randomly placed in 23c that greatly resembles selma hyek and smells like a petite and fragile wildflower riding a spring breeze.

finally, passenger 24e, i don't hate you for your natural curriosity and interest in me, i hate you for constantly peeking at my sketch book attempting to read what i am writting andd wondering if i will write about you. fuck off you nosey bastard.

[From Ultramicroscopic]

Stroller Daddies

"There's this thing called natural selection, and I think it is a big part of all of us, at least all of the female us's. When I see a Stroller Daddy, the first thing I look at is the kid in the stroller. Cute kid--I'll check out the dad. Ugly or scrawny or mean-looking kid--just keep on moving. On the streets of Manhattan there's enough eye candy that just a stroller isn't going to do it for me. He's got to show that he's got good genes or else I don't have time."

"...I am sorry to insult my male readership but you guys are just not attuned to feminine subtlety. It's not about being hit on by a gum-cracking ho with cherry lipstick and some scary Electra issues. It's about the Mona Lisa smile."


Catch up on the whole stroller daddy discussion by clicking here.

Husband with Digital Camera Part 1

If you're in a crunch, don't hesitate to call Jane if you need a baby sitter. And don't worry, she hasn't slept walk home from a baby-sitting job in 19 years!

Strike a Pose

In case you wondered what it takes to be a model. For women, start by being about 5 feet, 10 inches and wearing a Size 4. I've seen size 4 clothing -- it's for dressing up dolls. [via Halley's Comment]

monstrous geriatric marbles

Something you don't witness every day [via allied]

Cartoons

This guy is good.

Here are two samples:

     

July 22: Audience Potpourri Participation! This-or-That

1) DVD or VHS? DVD
2) Best Literary/Movie Villan: Voldemort (Harry Potter) or Sauron (LoTR)? Who cares?
3) Meat: rare or well-done? well-done, you'll live longer
4) High Speed Internet-Cable or DSL? Cable
5) Women: 1-piece bathing suit or Bikini? pass
6) To be fair--Men: Boxers or briefs? briefs
7) Beer or Liquor/Wine? Beer
8) Coke or Mountain Dew? Coke
9) In honor of my 10/18/03 nuptials: Morning or Afternoon/Night Wedding? Afternoon
10) Carpet or Hardwood Floors Both
11) American cars or foreign? foreign
12) Cutest TV Twin: Mary-Kate or Ashley Olsen? What's the diff?
13) Coffee: Caffeinated or Decaf? Caffeinated
14) Thought-Provoking Question of the Week: Computers: Do they make life better or worse? Why?
Better. They are always optional. Information/communication at your fingertips